the summer that flew by

There's lots to be said, but I cannot explain why I do not write. Today is Eid-ul-Fitr and, as usual, we're just relaxing at home. The guys went for prayer in the morning while the women and children stayed home (this equals chaos). My mom cooked. I helped my sister with her make-up. My niece looked so adorable!! My outfit was gorgeous but the size, as usual, was disproportionate. I changed, of course, so I could clean. Lately, my obsession has been for stamping, and not so much for scrapbooking. I tried to do a few pages in my smashbook, but I get interrupted a lot. Nostalgia hits me hard, whether it's from a smell, a taste, a touch, a sound, a moment of déjà vu.

I ordered a lot in the month of July. My mom puts on henna regularly, but she gets hers from Pakistan or the desi stores around here. I wanted to get something of good quality so got something after days of researching - henna plus indigo so I could try to cover my grays. My mom and I finally applied it on Saturday, and to our surprise (I accidentally had frozen the indigo powder), it actually worked. I'm happy because I have so much left over, which means it can last me many, many months, maybe even more than a year. The company accidentally sent me the wrong amounts of henna so they're going to send me the rest to make up for the error. I end up with a lot of extra indigo, too. :) The other purchase was of Naturally Amari hair products from Etsy. It took about 3 weeks to finally receive it, but I think it was worth the wait. Already, my curls have some definition and my hair feels thicker. It's dark and glossy, probably from the henna + indigo application too.

I got some Eidi from my family, which means more stamps. :D I still need about $250 (for $400 value of stuff!) for my next order with Stampin' Up - lol I want to take advantage of the one-time 30% off coupon I get from them, which ends end of August. I'll invest in all that is left for me: die-cut/embossing machine with some cutting/embossing dies, their trimmer and supplies, embossing powders and heating gun, my ink pad refills, their small adhesives, and if I can squeeze it in, markers or blendabilities. I know my purchasing will never end because they'll always have new paper, stamps, ink colors, etc.

Writing isn't coming so easily to me now. Seems I do it better in my head. I'm such a dreamer, where do I want to go? I love how I keep discovering new passions. Little things make me happy. I want to try it all. So, I've been starting my collection for scrapbooking, card making, and other crafts. My love of colors, patterns, creativity, images, words, handmade things, and organization comes together through this. I could lose myself for hours, days in the crafts, but I don't get that much time to myself at home. :( It annoys me, but I'm grateful that this passion has pulled me out of a deep depression. Creating and expression helps me to build my confidence. I wonder what it will lead to...

I can't believe that it's almost August. My last semester ended on May 12, so over 2 and 1/2 months have gone by. School starts in five weeks, and I'm really nervous! I'm hoping my books don't cost me a lot, especially since the fees have gone up. To save, I'm going to try to rent or find online versions which will be practical because of the iPad. Field will be quite a challenge, and I am not looking forward to the process recordings.

Anyway, I figured I should just write whatever I can so that I get my thoughts flowing. I'm not even sure how I feel lately (except excited when I'm shopping and stamping lol). I love all the pretty colors and designs I have. My first purchase was made by my nephew for $2, and I didn't even get him an envelope. Children are so simple - the way they interpret the world around them is interesting.

August is almost upon us - my bro returns from Indonesia on Thurs, I get to see friends again now that fasting has ended (yikes, where did the month go?), and the most exciting thing to look forward to is a paid trip to Miami with my best friend. I just have to have enough for food and miscellaneous. I can't wait to get some sun and hang out with her for a few days, and I'll also get to see my other friend there.

It's funny how we forget all the little things, too. I won't remember a lot of this a year or few from today anyway. Like getting the extra henna, some extra oil, all the yummy food I've had this year, making spaghetti and meatballs for the first time, also chicken 65, the epiphanies I've had through reading or conversations, all the funny things that my nephew has said, the challenging days, all the changes with my bro and dad moving back, my other nephew being born -- all those thoughts, feelings, dialogues will mostly be forgotten. One day into the next...

I lost a lot of weight during Ramadan, but gained some of it back during my last week due to my "break." Ah, well, I'll see if I can find the motivation (or strength to resist the lack of motivation) to get to the gym. My membership is active until end of January next year. I miss reading. I miss writing. I miss exploring the world around me. And that makes me sad that I don't give those passions enough of my time and concentration. Therapy can only do so much. I still carry so much of my pain, but what's the point of talking about any of it? I swallow it all back. I miss poetry, music, nature, and solitude. I can't wait to be working again (though I understand it'll be challenging), but I miss having my own money.

I am spoiled blessed with lots of love from family, friends, and others. I miss being one of the grateful ones. I hope I can discover the parts of me that make me happy with myself and accept the parts of me that are not so likable. But they are still me.